:-(

it's so sad how growing up could really change a person, how easy it is to simply grow apart and sometimes i can't help but feel like i lost a part of myself somewhere.  it's never been quite the same since you left and frankly i don't miss it anymore, i don't miss you anymore but i know it's the one real thing i ever had.  sometimes i feel like those kind of relationships are the most innocent, the purest forms of love forged carefully with time and endurance and not hastily rushed into in the heat of the moment or aroused by physical attraction; which is why this whole uni dating thing really, really irks me at times.  i am a hypocrite for saying this but it's like we indulge in all these frivolous things and let our desires take over us and some how it's all ok and acceptable because it falls under this huge blanket of a label.  but is it really okay though? it's like we're picking out the good bits of a relationship and embracing singlehood at the exact same time, its all fun and feisty without any form of commitment and we don't even seek the kind of explanations we deserve anymore, we go with the flow because we're just "dating" and we stay like that until one party feels all perplexed and tired and then we're all green lights on the go once more.  it's painful how we convince ourselves that it's all okay and settle for much, much less than we actually deserve and at the end of the day i just feel so lost and confused and not even sure when i'll start finding the capacity to love again