15.3.17

why do i feel perpetually sad and why do i feel like this sadness is constantly eating at me.  it's a debilitating kind of sadness that makes you feel so much less whole than you ought to be. will i never be able to break free of this wrought of self doubt and inadequacy or do i have to be constantly stuck in this self deprecating nightmare of wondering if i would ever, ever, ever compare
i don't know i just want to be a warm yellow light that spills ever so gently into the dark ridges of your life, wafting through your windows, embracing you with warmth and i don't want to be anything less than joy and strength but some days i can't find it in myself anymore i feel so awfully miserable i don't even know where to run to.  even the covers feel lonelier here without you.  but i could never bring myself to come home. i feel like a part of me has left since the realisation that these four walls could never be as nurturing and comforting as they used to, that this is a familiarity that i'd never want to return to.  perhaps i was always meant to be alone

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