i rly like this photo
haven't written anything in awhile, and i deleted my instagram account so maybe i should pen this down somewhere....here. life hit me really hard recently and all in all, it's been a shitty year for me with the lack of a better word. this knee dislocation's had me spending a lot more time at home than i'd like to, and i've been thinking....and reflecting so much i'm not sure if it's doing me any good. my heart hurts. it still does. and i'm so tired of laying awake in bed till the crack of dawn, making deals with myself and promises to myself i wish i had the resolve to keep. i'm exhausted, of things running in a constant, cyclical motion, i'm tired of aching the way i do. i just...feel like i'm at such a loss. i've lost people i held so close to me...and sometimes frags you need to realize that not everyone you lose is a loss. i could tell myself this over and over and over again but i can't come to terms with the possibility that i could just be not enough. maybe i never was enough. it's the halves that halve you in half yet i'd give you every jagged, half of me - as long as you'd feel whole. i'm jaded and i'm wrung dry and i've lost...a part of myself i know could never return. i don't trust anyone anymore. how could i? i lay in bed and small bits of past conversations and memories come floating back to me and i just sit here, amused at the irony of it all. "you've found a new star to orbit....i thought i had you on hold" i thought i did, i always thought i did
but people surprise you all the fucking time. people are so fucking selfish, and inherently so, some in the worst ways you could ever imagine. and i don't know what to do
but all i know is that i'm so fucking tired of sitting here in the ruins of it all asking myself where did i go wrong
and what i had ever done to deserve this
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