~pensive~

you know there's that quote that goes along the lines of how the hardest, coldest people you meet were once soft as water, and that's the tragedy of living...but i don't want the world to make me hard.  i'll walk on with all these bruises and calluses and scars, with blood running down my knees and maybe cigarette burns at the edges of my fingertips — but i don't ever, ever, ever want to lose myself to pain and sadness, for this is only life and you are only nineteen — you're not half as full of the world as you think you are.  There's so much more pain and sadness in this world than you think you've experienced, so much more pain and sadness that you are capable of dealing with, but you know you'll get through them, just the way you are every single day.  there always will be reminders, or fleeting glimpses of what's gone or what was once real, but that's all part of falling out, it's part of growing up and it's meant to break you in every way imaginable, it's meant to hurt like hell — precisely because it was real.  Perhaps this is the art of getting by — there are so many different permutations of the truth but choose and accept the worst version of it, swallow it and deal with it.  Perhaps no one will ever compare, but perhaps life is all about finding happiness in the vestiges of what's left, of the people and places left behind — because happiness is meant to be created.  It doesn't befall upon you while you're sitting in bed all day mulling about things changing and people leaving, it isn't something that you're entitled to — make happy, beautiful things, be happiness itself.

ha ha wow me in an attempt to profoundly understand and figure out the quirks and uncertainties of life...at 2.51 a.m goodnight i feel a little more whole than i have in a long, long while