young blood

tonight i feel more contented than I have ever been in a long, long while.  tnaf were absolute gold.  standing right in front of the stage, under the pouring rain, I am suddenly brought back to days I've longed to forget and i'm suddenly reminded of times when I thought I wouldn't be able to make it through, but I did.  Feelings are painfully real, painfully true, but they're also painfully...you.
Something in me exploded when they played Hearts like Ours....borders and horizon lines, here alone but side by side...I am suddenly overwhelmed by everything and nothing, and at the same time completely and utterly awestruck by how a song — something so broad and universal could become something so wonderfully personal to someone so small, so insignificant like me.
2015 certainly hasn't been without heartaches and tears, but if you look past these sorrows you'll realize just how many wonderful lessons you've learnt the past year — you're stronger than the person you were yesterday, that each rough tide means you're born anew once more, that there actually are a thousand different versions of yourself — and so you learn something new about the person that you are each and every day.
as it withers,
brittle it shakes
can you whisper
as it crumbles and breaks
as you shiver,
count up all your mistakes
pair of forgivers
let go before it's too late
can you whisper
can you whisper
can you whisper
can you whisper
never have i felt so fragile, yet so strong, i am weak yet i am defiant and i no longer want to drown myself in this terrible pool of sorrows anymore — it's been an incredible year, i've loved and i've lost and i've learnt, but i've also made my fair share of mistakes.  perhaps this is life, it never goes quite as planned but there is not much else we do apart from from revel at our own patchwork art of mistakes, of flaws, and the shattered bits of ourselves only to know that we are not defined by our wrongs, but all our wrongs turned right, and that there's nothing more beautiful than the fact that through it all, through the rough patches and the turmoils and everything awful that life decides to throw at us, we're still breathing and I find a kind of solace in that, a kind of solace in simply knowing that everything is going to be alright.