feeling so so so conflicted and i honestly have no idea what to do anymore...i feel so very lost with this whole a level thing being done and finished with and it's so so strange to have to live a structureless life. as much as i hated school and how torturously tiring it can be, it's this semblance of order that i really so desperately needed to give my life some kind of meaning and purpose you know?? and now that i've nothing to do i'm forced to confront everything i'm not sure i am even ready to face.
exams no longer is a shield that i can hide behind and it no longer is an excuse that i can use tirelessly simply because it no longer holds true
i feel so so vulnerable and afraid and lost and confused
maybe i'd give anything for a distraction of sorts
and as crazy as this may seem...i guess that includes returning to this monotony that i resented all my life if it means that i don't have to deal with all this or any of this ever again
ugHHHHH help me someone
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