inadequate

it really bothers me immensely how little i have to offer to the world, how little i have to offer to anyone at all, and it bothers me to know how lacking i really am as a person.  perhaps that is why i'm always second choice. if anyone ever had the willpower and patience to peel off the flimsy walls i've haphazardly built around myself, there really wouldn't be anything left of me.  i feel like that's all i am -- layer after layer of vulnerability, of insecurity, of irrational fear that i relentlessly wrap around myself solely because i am scared.  and as indifferent and aloof and cool as i sometimes purport to be, beneath all of that is this unsung, unexplainable fear that i try so desperately to suppress.  i fear people at close proximity and i fear people who keep their distance and i am honestly so, so, so, scared of forging relationships with people solely because i don't think i am capable of making people stay, of making myself a worthy addition to their life.  ugh fuck all of this fuck insecurities
i need to stop being so overly sensitive of myself and how people perceive me
i need to stop being so fucking sensitive i'm going to implode one day it's not even funny anymore