run deep run wild

it was really just a run, but i felt like i've learnt so much about myself in those grueling 9 mins 57 seconds of my life.  i've never, ever been much of a long distance runner as i've always been one to complain about my lack of stamina, and the thoughts of 2.4 all over again was honestly nothing but daunting — but there i was last night, standing there, inches before the starting line —
to me, long distance never really was about running as far as your legs could carry you, or a test of fitness, or any thing of that sort but instead a test of one's mental resilience.  it's the desire to carry on despite every damn thing that's holding you back, it's not about aching limbs or gasping for breath, but it's about forcing yourself to carry on regardless of that, it's about putting the finish line before your eyes and holding this race so close to your heart, along with everything you've ever loved, so much so that you're willing to run for it and fight for it with every fucking thing you've got...it's a matter of sincerity, it's a matter of desire, it's a matter of want, it's a matter of love — only then do you realize what it truly truly means to fight for someone or something, and only then, i feel, will you truly understand what so many people in this life couldn't really put a finger to, and that's the willingness to really really really fight for the person you love. it's about slowing down to a mere crawl, or trudging up the hill with nothing left but the intense passion of a thousand suns, but never stopping, never walking, and never ever surrendering the things you hold most true to yourself.
tonight i've seen the kindest of human hearts, thank you thank you thank you to everyone who's cheered me on, supported me, accompanied me to run, and even the strangers who've given me the courage to press on, i'm so glad i found the strength within myself last night to carry on.  i saw you yesterday, flashing across my mind like a hundred over daydreams, and in moments you made me feel like, like i could run for miles
for once this year i'm not falling apart, but falling back together.