an epiphany

And so I was thinking through these things over and over again, because something inside of me, something innate told me that this didn't feel as right as I thought it would.  I'm thinking about promises and lost loves and things i've always yearned for in my wildest dreams.  I'm thinking about how I see the world and how it really is.  I'm thinking illusions, I'm thinking reality.  And today, I've finally known to take off those rose-tinted glasses, I think I'm finally ready to see the world in all its faded glory.   I think I've come to understand that the tides clean, but they never forget.   Time and time again i've watched myself return to this fight, to this struggle i've never really been able to rid myself of, maybe because we never really learn.  We wash ourselves clean with the dark bones of secrets, of loss, of famines, of fall and of friends who became lovers, but the waters return.  It drips across skin — faucets, floods, it pools around our ankles — our mouths collect sin and hope, faith and rare miracles, it rinses then it repeats.  The human skin is thin and fragile, and there are scars from all those times we've burned ourselves with lighters, there are bruises on our knees from all those times we've kneeled on toilet floors....our bodies are hollow buildings in flames, and the walls of this world holds our echoes, someday exploding around us in colors that this life will never know.  But this is how we breathe, and this is how we end up getting by.  

"She lost him but she found herself, and somehow that was everything."

And this is me growing up, this is me coming clean.